Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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