I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
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watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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