I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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