life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wish my penis had a tongue
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize