I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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