The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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