I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
