When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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