peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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