never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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