Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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