It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Someone signed my nipple.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
