You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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