Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
