Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
