She is in my trunk
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
