it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
