we're chasing vodka with high fives
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
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so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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