Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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