She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
