he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
