somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
