I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
