3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I want to fling myself into the sun
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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