Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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