here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
