The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
