I smell stomach acid.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
