Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
