she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm like, not good at living.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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