oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
