turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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