ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sorry about my life...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
