i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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