I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
