I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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