Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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