i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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