idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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