like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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