bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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