I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
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You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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