I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
