I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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