I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
