I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we have officially lost it.
Sponge bath it is.
My liver just broke up with me...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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