just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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