hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
