Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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