i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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