no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
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Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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