I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
