You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
