I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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