i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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