Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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