just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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