Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm always down for nudity.
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