If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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