***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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