life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
