I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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