Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
