if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my being single is dangerous.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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