That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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