This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
