this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
