Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize