If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
