whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
